Alcohol, Apprentices and Too Much Paperwork
by ohwhatsherface
Summary: All in a day's work for the Fifth Hokage.


**A/N:** This is a totally _off_ Tsunade-POV. It was for the lulz.

-

**Alcohol, Apprentices and Too Much Paperwork  
**by: ohwhatsherface

-

**9:06 AM**

I need to go drinking.

-

-

**9:07 AM**

I _really_ need to go drinking.

-

-

**9:09 AM**

Oh!

I should go with Shizune and Sakura, again.

We haven't done that since Sakura turned fifteen. Sure, she was illegal – and um, still kind of is… – but I'm the _Hokage_, damnit. We always have fun together like this. Guys always hit on Shizune and she gets all flustered and nervous and Sakura always ignores her drinking limits – I call it 'training', really – and ends up trashed.

Yay.

I'm excited.

-

-

**9:12 AM**

They're so freaking annoying.

Seriously.

They just come in, put papers on my desk, tell me to sign here and there and then _bam_, they leave. Hell, they don't even give me some alcohol to go with it! What do they think – I'd actually sit through all that work _sober_?

HA! I think_ not_!

They _owe_ me, though. Seriously – both of them, especially Shizune. I mean, I practically raised the girl.

(And might I say I did quite a fine job?)

Damn.

I'm _thirsty_.

-

-

**9:58 AM**

Apparently, Sakura thinks I'm stupid.

I went to the hospital once Shizune dropped off my work for the day so that I could at least do _something_ – seriously, I don't care, I'd rather do sutures than sign another stupid document. But yeah, Sakura seems to think I'm stupid.

Yes. I mean _really_.

Sasuke Uchiha _definitely_ dropped one of his (non-existent) contact lenses in the storage closet. Of course. And he _definitely_ needed Sakura's help to find it. And he _definitely_ needed to search inside of Sakura's mouth to do so because said contact would _definitely_ be in there.

Definitely.

Right.

I am seriously offended.

-

-

**10:22 AM**

I hate all those elders.

(Just saying.)

They can kiss my ass.

Couldn't the Uchiha have off-ed all of them, not just the three he didn't like?

I mean, technically, _all_ of them are complete, total, _annoying _asses.

-

-

**10:27 AM**

Why do I still have to do paperwork at the hospital?

I stitched a guy up – possibly just saved his life, and I get _tortured_? Is _that_ how I am repaid for me good deed?

-

-

**10:34 AM**

I should make a new signature.

-

-

**10:35 AM**

Am I allowed to do that, though?

I probably shouldn't.

Shizune might make me resign things.

-

-

**12:00 PM**

Damn.

Shizune found me.

Woe.

-

-

**3:42 PM**

My hand kind of hurts.

That is honestly so sad considering I am _the_ strongest ninja in this village. Really. My hand got tired from signing things while I have shinobi out on missions and doing hard labour and little brats in the Academy working on push-ups in sets of a hundred.

Ha. I am the best Hokage ever.

-

-

**3:45 PM**

Wow.

I never thought I'd say this, but I'm bored.

I think I miss the paperwork.

-

-

**3:46 PM**

Nah, never mind.

-

-

**3:58 PM**

I'm kind of hungry.

-

-

**6:43 PM**

Shizune needs more fun in her life.

Seriously.

She stresses herself too much. That's not good, she might get wrinkles.

It'll be fine though. I told my two little apprentices that I was taking them out drinking. We haven't bonded in a long time. I think the last time was when we did a bit of overtime for Sakura's jounin exam training last year – oh, it was so hilarious to see the Brat and the Uchiha's faces when I told them Sakura was a jounin and they were still puny little genin. Sure, much of it was because Naruto left the village with the frogs and the Uchiha was all AWOL and Akatsuki-ing, but _ha_, the point is:

I am _the_ greatest Sannin.

CHA!

-

-

**8:02 PM**

Sakura says she's not seeing anyone.

I can't believe she lied to the _Hokage_.

That's so not cool.

-

-

**8:04 PM**

Shizune needs a boyfriend.

Pronto.

And I need a refill.

-

-

**8:13 PM**

I suggested Gai.

You know, as a joke, of course.

Sakura made the most hilarious face before she choked on her drink.

"Tsunade-shishou, are you _insane_?!" she asked, still laughing her ass off. Shizune was just staring at the table, oddly calm. She kept opening and closing her mouth. I was kind of scared that I somehow accidentally put her into some screwed up sort of a coma. "If I had to choose I'd say… Kakashi-sensei!"

(I don't get why she calls him 'sensei'.

It was all _me_.)

"I was just _kidding_," I replied, rolling my eyes.

They both look pretty relieved.

-

-

**8:29 PM**

Genma walked into the bar.

-

-

**8:32 PM**

Sakura says Genma is number four on her list of the Top Ten Hottest Konoha Shinobi.

I caught her making it one time during training. Well no, it wasn't so much training as it was me making her do some of my paperwork so I wouldn't have to. Somehow my little apprentice managed to finish her work load – which I shamelessly made much larger than my own – faster and was bored, thus she made her list. I actually remember it, sadly.

Well no. I just remember some names.

I remember that her Boy Toy was number two and his brother was number one.

And that the Yondaime appeared there.

And Naruto.

Well, if she's shameless enough to put two brothers, why not father and son?

-

-

**8:35 PM**

Genma sent a drink over to Shizune.

Shizune didn't really like the drink so Sakura nabbed it.

Damn. I wanted it.

-

-

**9:04 PM**

It's not even ten and Sakura is well on her way to being trashed.

I don't think that reflects well on her character.

Bad Sakura.

-

-

**9:05 PM**

I'm not a hypocrite.

-

-

**9:12 PM**

Shizune went to the bar to get Sakura's next drink for her because the kid can't seem to walk straight.

Genma's making Eyes.

-

-

**9:13 PM**

I'm eavesdropping.

-

-

**9:15 PM**

Genma hit on her. He hit on her to her face and used a spectacular pair of Come Hither Eyes on her.

He probably would have won her over if he just kept his mouth shut and closed over the senbon.

I mean, who says, "Hey, Sexy Lady?"

Seriously!

Sakura's laughing her ass off again.

-

-

**9:28 PM**

Sakura's best friends just arrived.

Great.

-

-

**9:31 PM**

Naruto called me old again. He's not becoming Hokage, as long as I'm alive.

I think Kakashi would be much better.

At least he has tact. And courtesy.

Punctuality isn't _that_ important.

-

-

**9:34 PM**

Shizune went back to the bar. I guess all she needed for a little more confidence was a few mojitos and a nice shot of whatever Sakura gave her.

The Brat and the Uchiha are sitting with Sakura and me.

I feel like a mother hen watching some kids.

This is terrible.

I feel so old – which I'm _not_!

-

-

**9:39 PM**

The Uchiha just footsies-ed me.

-

-

**10:36 PM**

The Brat is on the dance floor with some pretty redhead.

He looks trashed.

Good.

I hope something unpleasant happens to him.

That'll teach him to call me 'Granny'.

-

-

**10:37 PM**

Wait.

But if he gets said pretty redhead, oh, I don't know, _pregnant_, and they have a kid, that'd give him an actual reason to call me 'Granny'.

No.

-

-

**10:42 PM**

I hate kids.

Especially teenagers.

-

-

**10:45 PM**

Sakura's being too giddy. The Uchiha said he'd bring her home.

He could potentially take advantage of her.

Maybe I should stop them.

-

-

**10:46 PM**

Ha. Yeah right.

Like the Uchiha could be the dominant one.

-

-

**10:51 PM**

Shizune's flirting. Sakura's getting laid.

I'm still sober.

This is pathetic.

-

-

**10:52 PM**

They suck.

-

-

**11:00 PM**

I'm never going drinking with them again.

-

-

_fin_


End file.
